You know, if people knew I was writing this, they'd probably discourage me...but I'm so proud of Adam. I am so proud to be a fan of someone so unique, special and genuine. Lets get real for a second and let me tell you my views, for a start. I've prayed to God to change how I feel many times if He so pleases, but I can tell you He hasn't...He's only made me stronger in my beliefs and I recognize that I am either very strong or very foolish for stating them on here. I'm post-orientation. That…

This is anxiety I have...and it's to do with an incident to do with balloons in a restaurant. I think that's where it's stemmed from. Determined to conquer this. Been listening 'No Boundaries'...

It really didn't help that I panicked earlier. Sorry guys.

Positive, logical thinking from now on.

LucyXX

Jenn came back.

Apparently she's not haunting me on a level to do with my faith or my personal life. Apparently it's to do with my fanship. This is getting difficult. If you follow me on twitter and you'll see what I mean.

Please don't let my depression be coming back. Please let how I feel about Adam come back. Please let his message stay in my heart for life. I feel so lost and I'm praying to God that it comes back and that Jenn goes away for…

Hey guys :)

So...I was speaking to someone...and I feel that I've had an epithanic moment of Christian delight. God DID give me Adam as my miracle two years ago...I know this because I've learned more from Adam in this world about being a good, kind, loving, confident person with high self esteem and a genuine, unconditional love for him. Now, I feel God wants me to give something back. All the people from the Westboro Baptist Church etc. who profess Christianity are…

I dunno why...but I've felt Jenn come back a little for the first time in ages...(Jenn is my depressed feelings I used to get...named after someone from my past...) and I dunno why! I've been crying and my soul is hurting. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! IT'S DISTRESSING!

GO AWAY, JENN! LEAVE ME ALONE!

WHY HAS IT BEEN FOUR DAYS IN A ROW?! USUALLY I'M OVER IT WITHIN A DAY! WHY AM I WORRYING?! WHY AM I FEELING NEGATIVE WHEN THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AND EVERYTHING…

This is the poem I wrote for Adam that one day I hope to read to him in person...<3 I keep it as a bookmark in every book I read.

I believe that my God gave you to me

To help show that life is an awesome journey,

To show me what matters, what confidence is,

Trust, honesty, realness...it's hardly showbiz,…

I promise this will be my only non-Adam related blog. I wanted to post about something dear to my heart. Harry Potter has been in my life since I was six years old. I remember the first moment my mother picked up the book in Tesco, put it in the trolley and said, 'We'll start this story tonight, Lucy...I heard about it and think it'll be something you'll enjoy.' After that, I remember the situation in which I received all my other Harry Potter books. Two and three came the next Christmas…

I guess you might say Adam Lambert came into my life just in time. For as long as I can remember, before Adam, I was sad. I'd been bullied for as long as I could remember and felt like the whole world hated me. It was because I was different from the other children at my school. I worked hard and studied hard and practised my bassoon constantly while they couldn't have been assed with anything. I was weird and eccentric and different...and they didn't like that. I was the weakling. Don't get…