I guess you might say Adam Lambert came into my life just in time. For as long as I can remember, before Adam, I was sad. I'd been bullied for as long as I could remember and felt like the whole world hated me. It was because I was different from the other children at my school. I worked hard and studied hard and practised my bassoon constantly while they couldn't have been assed with anything. I was weird and eccentric and different...and they didn't like that. I was the weakling. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful family and brilliantly supportive parents, but I only had one friend for as long as I could recall. I even remember being partnered with a chair in PE class because no one wanted to be my partner. I hated myself and my life and couldn't look at myself in the mirror. At the age of 15, I'd hit rock bottom when I started talking to someone online who has now been diagnosed with clinical depression. 

(That's the short version of that story...and in the words of Forrest Gump, 'That's all I have to say...about that.')

As a Christian (still am an avid follower of Jesus) I used to pray for an answer...for help out of the darkness that was swallowing me up. I've always been told God works in mysterious ways...but never did I expect that God was about to give me someone who would show me how to

And that's when God gave me Adam...

January 20th 2009,

My mother called me down to watch American Idol with her. Maybe she was worried because I spent waaaay too much time on the internet. I dunno why I ended up going down to watch it. Maybe it was God guiding me...I dunno. 

But there he was. My knight in shining armor. I'd never really been interested in boys...and don't get me wrong, when I saw Adam, I thought you was just another pretty boy like the rest of them.

But then there was his video commentary about him being different and hyperactive as a child. In musical theatre. I wasn't in musical theatre...but I thought there was a similarity between me and this guy. I've played the bassoon since the age of 9 and for a long time it was my only outlet of emotion and such. Adam used theatre to channel his hyperactivity. It was a similarity. Then...in the audition, his sass caught my attention...his daringness to be vocal in front of Simon Cowell, the meanest of all TV personalities. Yet there was Adam, talking away to them...making them fall for him. Doing something I was afraid to do. 

And then he started to sing.

I hadn't listened to anything in the charts since the 1990's before Adam. From no age, I was a classical music buff and didn't care about the charts. But right then, it hit me that there was something special about Adam's voice. He wasn't singing from his throat...but his lungs. The technique of a proper musician. Not only that...but he was singing from the heart as well. It was awesome.

Sadly, after that, I forgot about Adam for a few weeks or so. However...when Adam sang 'Believe' in Hollywood week, my mom called me down to 'See this guy!'

Immediately, I said, 'Mom, that's Aaron! Remember Aaron?' 

Once my mother reminded me that his name was Adam, it became clear to me that, despite the forgetting of his name, he'd made an impact on my life...I'd remembered him, something I didn't often do with people in these talent shows.

Over the next few weeks, I followed Adam's progress, learning how to download music from Itunes in order to get his American Idol covers. It took me a while before I figured out that I could go online and research him. On youtube, the first thing I ever watched was 'What's up?' from Upright Cabaret, and that's when I fell in love with him. March 15th, 2009. 

Progressively, as Adam's confident grew in the show, he did interviews telling the weird kids 'It's okay to be different...' and I found that it WAS. For a few weeks, walking past the bullies was easy when I had Adam blaring in my ears on headphones. But progressively, I found I could stand up to the bullies if I just thought Adam's words over and over again in my head 'Be confident...be yourself...be confident...be yourself.' I began to take care of my appearance...but the best I could be and ALWAYS think positive.

Now...at the age of 17, almost 18, my confidence has grown in leaps and bounds, however I have Adam to thank for starting that ball rolling for me. My paranoia is completely gone now. After my GCSE exams, I moved school and now have more friends than I can count on both hands twice. I am appreciated for who I am now. My musicianship continues to grow. I now play bassoon at Grade 8 level and piano at grade 4 level. And as for my self esteem. I think I'm beautiful and I love who I am. I continue to support Adam and I love him unconditionally. I cannot wait for his new music...his first album became the soundtrack of this last two years...the best two years of my life. 

Thanks Adam. I owe you lots.

Love and Light to all,

LucyXX